I Cannot Cry Cause The Shoulder Cries More.

Pathetic.

2009-10-28T05:04:08Z

That is what I am at the moment. I haven't updated in for-fucking-ever. [sigh] I have no excuse. Nothing comes to mind. Just large amounts of blank. No promises. I suck at them.

sinfulxtragedy @ 2009-02-04T19:30:00

2009-02-05T03:38:18Z

I fail so bad, it's not even funny. I swear I am trying to finish everything I have in the works! You Can't be Missed... will be updated sometime in the very near future, I will work my ass off to get it up. Nights and weekends included. I'm trying to write at school, and that's working, so the writers block is getting better and easier to overcome which is like amazing and a half. and seeing as my new year's resolution was to write and post more i will do my best to have it all up within the month of February. hopefully in the next few weeks. I promise, not even kidding this time!

<3

Nat.

blah blah.

2008-11-09T05:06:08Z

I've nothing. no inspiration, no will, just the need and the pull of the keys to write something. I still can't get those two standalones done, and the You Can't Be Missed... chapter. all in the works, but I've no real desire to write them. idk why, I came home on Thursday and wanted to write nothing but fluff, I went to my laptop, opened Word and the desire was killed in about two seconds.

idk if it's the fact that I've lost most of the control of my life. so much for self-control. eh. whatever, idk why I'm complaining, my life compared to some other people's is fucking cake, not even kidding.

eh. I think there's nothing more to say. but I will ask one thing, SOMEONE, PLEASE, MAKE ME WRITE. IF I DON'T WRITE SOMETHING SOON, I'LL SPONTANIOUSLY COMBUST. AND THAT'S BAD.

Writer's Block: R.E.A.D. in America Day

2008-09-28T06:02:05Z

In celebration of R.E.A.D. in America Day, tell us about what you're reading. How is reading important to you? What would you recommend to others?

View 500 Answers

I am currently reading like 3 books, it's really sad to be honest, but I deal. I'm reading Fight Club (amazing, if you haven't read it then you're missing out big time. go pick up a copy at the library) I'm also reading Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen. she's a great author, just one of those really fluffy stories that can also make you tear up a little. and I just started The Luxe, but have no idea who wrote it. So far it's good.

I would recomend anything by Ellen Hopkins to anyone out there. really amazing author. Also 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher is amazing and Looking for Alaska by John Green is really great.... can't think of more.

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [6/?]

2008-09-20T21:52:47Z

Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [6/?]
Author:sinfulxtragedy</lj>
Rating: PG/PG-13 at most
Pairing: Rydon with a few others.
POV: Third Ryan-centric. Brendon's POV for this chapter!
Summary: After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon.
Disclaimer: This is real, Brendon said so himself when he called Ryan a 'Golden God' but he never went NYU... so go figure. Title is taken from the Cobras, Cut from Madina Lake.
Author Notes: At the end as always.
Beta:handsom3lady</lj>handsom3lady

[1][2][3][4]

[5]

After leaving Ryan at the park Brendon speed-walked himself to the coffee shop. Taking a deep calming breath he opened the door and walked in with a smile that he hoped didn’t seem too fake on his tear stained face. The talk with Ryan went worse than he’d hoped but he knew that it would be bad. He couldn’t stop mentally kicking himself for telling Ryan about Shane. Of all things he could do why would he tell Ryan about someone who he slept with while they never officially broke up? He told himself over and over again that he and Ryan were still together and in love with each other, they just had to part for a while, because Brendon was going to school in New York, that’s all. It should have changed anything in their relationship, they should be happy together not falling apart by themselves.

Good Lord, why am I such a fuck up? I try too hard for things to go my way or I want too much. Brendon thought to himself.

There was a tinkling noise from the entrance of the shop, but Brendon was too gone in his own world to look around and see who just walked in. The next thing he knew he was getting smacked hard upside the head. Just as he was turning to start bitching at the other person he saw the bright, icy blue eyes of one and only Spencer Smith.

Spencer wasn’t there to say hi either, he looked pretty pissed off, and that is never good. Everyone knows that when you mess with people who Spencer Smith cares about you would get your ass kicked into next week. It was always like that; Spencer was like the mother of their group, they wouldn’t be able to survive without Spencer around to tell them what to do.

Spencer was the one who broke the silence first, “So you are back, didn’t realize that you would be stupid enough to comeback. But I’ve been wrong before. Why did you come back?” Spencer was one of those people who hid his emotions much too well for it to be normal, but now his voice was full of venom.

“I gues—” Brendon began only to be interrupted by the same voice that spoke only seconds before.

“You don’t guess, Brendon, you shouldn’t even be here after just leaving like that. Most of us managed to get by without you here or talking to you, but did you think about Ryan? The boy that loved you with everything he’s got? Did you ever stop to think what your disappearance did to him, Urie? He’s been closed away from everyone, even me, for crying out loud! The boy acts like a ghost of the person he once was, he doesn’t live anymore, he survives. Even that is a struggle for him,” Spencer sighed but his voice still held a hint of venom, “we have to drag him out of that apartment ‘cause he won’t leave unless it’s to go here to the desert. He barely writes anymore and when he does it’s some sappy end-of-love story that all of us can tell by memory. And that’s all because you were stupid, and selfish and, and, and…” he trailed off after that like his thought just ended abruptly. He didn’t go on for a few seconds and Brendon could tell that he was done.

With a deep breath he started his lecture for Spencer, “I’m sorry, damn it! I’m sorry that Ryan ignored the fucking note that I left him which would have given him everything that he would have needed to contact me and to make it work. I’m sorry for wanting a degree in something that I care about. I’m sorry that you think this is my fault. Is that enough for you, Smith? Read the note with your little Ryan then you can bitch at me.” Brendon didn’t yell or scream but his tone was deathly calm that would scare most people who knew him. With that he stood up and walked out of the coffee shop, slamming the door after him.

He jogged to his car, yanking the door open when he got to it. It was as if he was acting on autopilot. Door, keys, mirror, seat belt. No thoughts. He’s just going through the motions that he could do in his sleep. It was taking all his will power not to floor the gas and high speed it out of town. There was only one place that Brendon could be by himself. The Loneliest Road, Route 50. That stretch of pavement where most cars don’t go. It’s nothing special to most people, but to Brendon (and Ryan, apparently) it was everything.

He drove, and drove, and drove. He was fighting the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes. Why was he blamed for something that he didn’t do? It’s not his fault that Ryan is stubborn and rarely thought ahead and assumed the worst in every situation. It’s not his fucking fault, so why was everyone out to yell at him for something he didn’t mean to happen?

Once he got to the spot on the road that he loved most he pulled over on the shoulder of the road and got out. Brendon climbed on the roof of the car and leaned back so that he was lying on the roof of the car. He closed his eyes and felt the tears leak out of his eyes without his consent. But Brendon didn’t care at this moment. He would just lie there and cry for now.

September 27, 2003

They lie together in Ryan’s bed arms around each other, basking in the after-sex glow. Brendon was snuggling into Ryan’s side with Ryan’s arm around his shoulders and Brendon’s around his boyfriend’s waist. Tonight was the first time they had sex; Brendon’s virginity was a gift for Ryan. It was special.

The sex was slow and romantic, not the rushed kind that you’d read about in a dirty magazine. It was something that made them whole, it brought them together. Nothing can be better than that.

“I love you.”

The words left Brendon’s lips sooner than he could stop himself. He looked up at the other boy, worried about the reaction that he was going to get. He was surprised by the small smile forming on Ryan’s lips. It was sincere unlike most smiles he gave to people.

“I love you, too, Brendon.”

A/N: This took wayy long, and for that I am sorry. School is already kicking my ass. Sad, I know. But I try, I swear I do. Let's see. what else. I will try to post at least once a week, but no promises. Requests are still here and open.

Fic posts and other time frames.

2008-09-01T06:13:47Z

Ok, so some of you guys are in the same boat as me and have school starting. Sadly my year starts early this year (it's like they want us there longer, or something like that.) so I wont have all day to laze around and write like 24/7. Sad I know.

So to those who read You Can't Be Misssed... or if I owe you a fic, I have a have an idea of when I would post them. The times maybe a little screwed up on my journal, cause I might get impasient or something and might end up posting it earlier.

So here's how it's gonna work. I will write at school and at home whenever I can and post the chapters/standalones like this:

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away: Will be posted on Sundays and Wednesdays(?) Not too sure, but it will be updated at least once a week, I promise you that.

Ye Of Too Much Faith: This one I owe to hellonelyThat's all really, so thanks to those who read my stuff and comment it and like it. It means the world to me.

Later guys and thanks again,

Nat.

sinfulxtragedy @ 2008-08-25T20:07:00

2008-08-26T03:29:53Z

Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [5/?]
Author: sinfulxtragedy
Rating: PG/PG-13 at most
Pairing: Rydon with a few others. past!Brendon/Shane
POV: Third Ryan-centric.
Summary: After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon.
Disclaimer: This is real, and I'm married to Brendon Urie. Yeah, I wish, this is fake.
Author Notes: At the end as always.
Beta: handsom3lady for this chapter it was miyavis_gazette

[1] [2][3][4]

thanks to</a></a>pleurantnoir for the awesome banner.

Brendon looked up surprised by the sudden change in Ryan’s voice, in all his years of knowing the other boy he had never heard Ryan’s voice be so fragile and vulnerable, nothing he said would be good enough when Ryan was like this. Nonetheless it was worth a shot so Brendon opened his big mouth, “You know my parents, they were trying so hard to get me to apply to colleges, just so that I’d get the degree they didn’t care what I study. Music paid off with NYU where I was for the past four years. I’ve been at school, getting a music degree that I will never use without the people I love and care. You know that I can’t write anything without people like you in my life. I need you, Ry, really do. But you should have read the note, this would have been different. I know it would have been. It gives you every way to know where I am, how to get to me. If you weren’t so damn stubborn I wouldn’t have thought that you didn’t care enough to even call or come to visit. I gave up on phone after the first few months. After you didn’t visit at all during any of the breaks I gave up. I met Shane—”

“You met who?” Ryan asked the emotion back in his voice.

“Shane, he was my roommate at NYU, we got drunk one night, about a year ago. The next morning we woke up with killer headaches and naked in bed next to each other; stupid one nightstand.” Brendon explained. He left out the fact that he also woke up with a sore ass, but that really wasn’t something that he’d share with Ryan. Inside he was praying to God that Ryan won’t be too pissed off at him for something that he did while he was drunk.

What Ryan did shocked them both. Ryan laughed, he laughed hysterically, and his eyes were watering from laughing too hard. Ryan laughed because there were no tears left in him. He had spent the last four years denying every one nightstand, every kiss, everything that came his way. Whenever he was dragged into bars or clubs there were men and women lining up to get to Ryan. They got him drinks, they hit on him, they asked him out; the works, really. Ryan turned down each of them, but his excuses were no longer valid. He had no boyfriend who loved him. His boyfriend, who has promised never to leave him, had slept with his roommate. Just perfect, fan-fucking-tastic!

When that realization hit him Ryan’s laughter turned into choking sobs. Four years he kept telling himself that Brendon still loved him, but that was ripped away from him. Now Ryan had nothing, he was alone. His sobs were broken; almost choking the thin male and making his body shake violently.

Brendon who was looking very lost and frightened by the sudden mood swing. He was used to Ryan being able to control his feelings better than anyone he knew, it was Ryan’s own way to deal with things; let them bottle up inside and then write. He would write about everything that he was feeling.

“W-why are y-you sti-still here? You’ve d-done enough to last a li-lifetime!” Ryan ~~choked, yelled, pleaded,~~ exclaimed.

The sharp brokenness in the boy’s voice was almost intimidating. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the Brendon was scared and slightly worried about Ryan. The emotion was too much for him, it was too raw and too open. These feelings were read about by Brendon but he never got to see the older man break down this way. It was different, unsettling; it was… real.

“I’m here because I love you, you idiot,” he answered; it may have sounded that Brendon was being cocky or mocking, but he wasn’t, he held a sincere note to it. Only Ryan would be able to pick it out because he knew Brendon so well.

“Bullshit.”

A single tear rolled down Brendon’s cheek because he knew that he'd royally screwed up this time. There was no Ryan who was going to envelope him in a huge hug when he showed up at home. No one was waiting for him here except for his parents.

“Get out of here, Brendon, you’ve cau-caused too much p-pain. You took it to NYU or whe-wherever the hell you w-went, and y-you crushed-d the re-remains just now. You’re done.” Ryan’s voice spoke to him, and it was a lot quieter than it should have been, much too calm.

Ryan has been scolding himself for the break down, for the time of weakness, for giving Brendon the satisfaction of seeing him broken. No, there will be no more emotions or reactions. He can’t afford it.

Brendon nodded his head, it was a lot harder than he remembered it to be, but if Ryan wanted him gone, he would do that. It’s the least he could do.

“Fine, I’ll leave. I’ll be at the coffee shop for maybe a half an hour after that I’ll go to the only place I can think when I’m here. You know the place; if you need me then you can find me there.”

With a heavy heart he turned away from the man he loved and walked out of the clearing. As soon as Brendon was gone and Ryan felt that he was alone, he stood up and started running to his tiny one bedroom apartment. He noticed that it took him less time to run the distance than usual, which was a relief. Once he got home the first thing he did after slamming the door shut was grab his cell phone and dial Spencer's number.

Three rings later he got a muffled “Hello?”

“He’s back, Spence, Brendon’s back. I saw him.” Ryan said a new wave of sobs crushing his body. Damn the inability to keep calm when it comes to that cheating asshole.

“He can’t be back, after all he’s done to you he can’t possibly be stupid enough to come back—“

“He’s back, Spin. I talked to him. Cried, passed out, the works.”

After that Ryan launched into the whole tale about Brendon showing up at the coffee shop, Ryan fainting, them talking in the clearing, Brendon telling Ryan about Shane, Ryan telling Brendon to get away. Everything. By the end of the whole thing Spencer was ready to kill Brendon for causing even more pain on his already fragile best friend. Near the end Ryan started to cry again, only it was much softer now, more pitiful than before.

“Where is he, Ryan?” Spencer growled

“Um, coffee shop; then he said he’s going to our spot. You know the place where you used to find me after a bad night. That’s all I know, but I don’t know what to do Spence, he wanted to talk, told me to find him there. I can’t do that, it’s too much; I’m not ready to relive that part of my life.”

“You know, Ry, I have to go. I promise I’ll call you in about an hour. Please don’t do anything stupid. I’ll get Jon to go over there. How does that sound?” Spencer asked; he was trying hard not to sound too angry so that it wouldn’t set Ryan off again. The poor guy already had a hard day, no need to worry him.

Ryan nodded before he remembered that Spencer couldn’t see him and mumbled a quick “please.” Spencer said that he’d talk to Ryan soon and hung up. Jon showed up about fifteen minutes later pulling Ryan in for a hug. They spent a few hours talking and remembering when things were good and not as screwed up. An hour later Spencer joined them and the three friends had a movie night where they pigged out on junk food and watched way too many movies.

A/N: Hey everyone! I am infact not dead. So I am very sorry for the delay of this chapter. I got in trouble for a week and then my laptop dies on me. So it took waay longer than I thought. But it's up!

So you've got Spencer and Jon here, and lots of Spin in the next chapter. Which should be posted soon. Cause I did start it already. Updates will be slower starting on the second of September, cause it's school time. But I will write and post.

What else? Oh! I have a s/a that will be out soon called "Ye of too Much Faith" and the companion "Ye of Little Faith" as well as a smutty s/a (for which I want to know all your kinks!) Feel free to drop by my journal and request a fic. It's the third post from the top.

Do any of my readers live in Seattle and are going to the Bill and Trav's Bogus Journey Tour? Cause we can meet up there. =]
I think that's it really. So read, comment, and enjoy!

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [4/?]

2008-08-05T20:34:08Z

Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [4/?]
Author: sinfulxtragedy
Rating:PG/PG-13 at most
Pairing:Rydon with a few others.
POV:Third Ryan-centric/
Summary: After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon. Disclaimer: This is real, and I'm married to Brendon Urie. Yeah, I wish, this is fake.
Author Notes: At the end as always.
Beta: handsom3lady
Dedications:This chapter goes out to two people. One is my really good friend Vicky, who helped with this chapter a lot. I bounce like every idea off of her. The second is to my beta for being amazing and totally loving this story and not giving up on me.

[1] [2] [3]

Running out of the coffee shop was the easy part. Now Ryan was faced with the decision of where he should go. All his friends are either at work or with their girlfriends – or in Will’s case with his boyfriend—so it’d be pretty damn uncomfortable to barge in with his sob story about Brendon not remembering their love. Tears were close to falling and Ryan needed to get out of the public’s eye and somewhere private before he lets his tears fall.

Now, his options aren’t as wide; he cannot go home, the note is there and he still hasn’t read it. No friends to turn to at this moment to run to and use their shoulder to cry on. He turns his head a few times to look around him only to notice the small cluster of trees not too far from him. The park was indeed only a few blocks away from the coffee shop, and it was the perfect place to get away from things.

A small chime brought him back to reality and he made the mistake of looking to see what it was. The door of the coffee shop was open and Brendon was walking out, and he looked determined to say the least. The second their eyes locked Ryan started running as fast as he could, which is pretty damn fast. After years spent running from problems one becomes a great runner. Within five minutes Ryan is turning to a little hide-away in the trees and collapsing on the grass. The tears are hot on his cheeks and his heart is pounding away in his ears. His sobs are borderline hysterical and he’s sure that anyone who may be passing by will hear. Not that he cares very much.

“George Ryan Ross, where the hell did you learn to run that fast?” a voice asked him. The voice was hesitant yet bold, everything was beautiful when that voice spoke, but that wasn’t enough to help Ryan calm down. Instead his heart rate increased tenfold and he couldn’t catch his breath. No one called him by his first name unless there is something wrong or the person just met Ryan. Even then they soon learned that Ryan hated the name George and couldn’t stand being called that so they too started calling him Ryan as well. Even Suarez rarely remembered that his name isn’t really Ryan.

So back to the voice and how it called him by his full name and mentioned that he ran faster than before. It was true, in high school Ryan was the slowest kid in gym, and that bothered most people because they had to wait for him to finish before they could do any other activity. Only the people who knew him back then knew this fact, and only a select few knew his full name. Ryan slowly lifted his head off the ground to look at the person who was standing at the entrance of the small clearing. There stood Brendon, his hair slightly winded, his breath not quite regular. No one could have helped him with those facts that he knew, which meant one thing: Brendon remembered.

A sudden shock of anger shot through Ryan. If Brendon remembered then why the hell did he pretend not to know him back in the shop? Why would someone do that to the ones they loved? That was simple, loved being the key word in the sentence. Maybe four years ago Brendon wouldn’t think of doing something like that, but now they were strangers who used to know each other. It’s slightly unsettling to think that way about Brendon. He was so used to only remembering love that they shared during their relationship that the thought of being forgotten made Ryan’s stomach turn in very uncomfortable ways. The tears are still running down his face, but the sobbing has subsided, which in Ryan’s opinion is great news.

“You remember? You fucking remember?” Ryan all but screamed at the other boy, his face a little splotchy from the anger bubbling inside as well as the tears that were running down his cheeks.

“Of course I remember, Ryan. I just—” he began to speak only to be cut off by Ryan.

“No, you don’t get to explain, you knew that I love you, and you still left leaving a note to explain things. Honestly, did you think that’d be enough? Did you really think that a note will make things ok?” Ryan stopped his speech to take a breath that he desperately needed. It was almost too much to be going through this. He imagined hundreds upon thousands of scenarios about this very moment, but this was by far the very worst.

Brendon looked so small with his shoulders hunched over and his head lowered. His eyes were dull and pained, he looked like he was about to give up. But he spoke again; his voice sounded broken like nothing could ever work out in his life.

“I knew it would be like this, but I couldn’t not leave,” his voice broke off for a second before he started again. “You didn’t read the note did you? Of course not, I should have known better than give you something to read before leaving.”

He shook his head slightly, disappointment showing easily, but what made him so upset? He wasn’t the one who was left alone! But that doesn’t mean that he didn’t miss you, dumb ass. A small voice in Ryan’s head told him. It could be true; maybe Brendon really did miss him while he was gone. A small sigh left Ryan’s lips.

“Where did you go, Bren? Why didn’t you call or visit or something, anything? It hurt to lose you, you know, I’m not that strong, or at least I wasn’t four years ago.” Ryan’s voice held no anger that was there earlier when he spoke, looking at Brendon right now would make anyone go slightly mushy. He looked that defeated. Plus it’s not like Ryan could be mad at him for more than 10 minutes. Things are still the same in a strange way. Things change and they stay the same, well this is very much the same as before all this happened, like they are still together and they had their first fight. Maybe things could go back to the way they were.

A/N: Ok, so this chapter I’m not completely happy with, but that’s fine. I am very sorry for the wait on this chapter the flash drive that had all my slash stuff on it decided to randomly disappear on me and taking the half written chapter with it, so you’re getting this one. I want to thank those who comment this fic, and encourage those who read it to comment it. =] I always love to get comments and always reply. What else was I gonna say—oh yeah, I have posted a Request a Fic feel free to stop by there. If anyone wants or gets really bored could someone make a banner for this story? If not then it’s fine. Again thanks for reading and commenting it really keeps me going.

-Natasha.

Request A Fic.

2008-08-03T05:37:32Z

So, I'm gonna follow the growing trend of writers who are doing this. Anyone is more than welcome to stop by this entry and comment with what you want the fic to be about. Unlike the things I beta, this ‘Request A Fic’ has no restrictions, and hopefully I will live up to your expectations. I will try to write as many fics-- if not all-- as I can. It's probably gonna be first come first serve basis. This is a way for me to be able to get over writers block and try my hand at other types of fics.

(Personal note: kinks, possessive/dominant!Ryan, Gabilliam, and Rockett are a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine... so if I see those I will probably write them first.) The person who requests the fic will be mentioned, so you will be able to get your story. If you can't find it, look around this journal, it will probably be here.

If you request can you fill the form out cause it will be that much easier for me to know what you want in the story.

Title: If you have an idea for a title then add it, if not then I may use a lyric or something like that.
Pairing: We should know what that is, so post it here.
Rating: G to NC-17 Overview: Just a quick summary of what you want in the fic and how you want it done.
POV: Who tells the story?
Warnings: If we go into things like kinks and so on and if it's rated at NC-17 then what can we expect.

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [3/?]

2008-07-24T19:28:55Z

Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away. [3/?]
Author:</a></a>sinfulxtragedy Natasha.
Rating: PG-13 to be safe. (may change, language, a little angst.)
POV: Third Ryan-centric.
Paring: Rydon [with mentioning of Gabilliam, also Jon/Cassie&Spencer/Hayley.]
Summery: After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon.
Disclamer:This is real and I hate PATD. think, would I be listening to them while I write about them if I hated them? Title Credit: Cobra Starship Cut Credit: The Academy Is...
Beta: the one and only</a></a>handsom3lady
Authors Note: At the end.

[1] [2]

Upon opening his eyes Ryan saw that he was no longer behind the counter but lying stretched out on one of the sofas that the coffee shop had with several people crowding around him. Some of them were regulars other complete strangers, he saw Alex crouched down next to him and a worried looking Brendon was by his side. He didn't really know if he was glad or sorry that Brendon was still there. Ryan knew well enough that he must have passed out from the looks that people were giving him, and why he passed out was clear too. All this time he was sure that Brendon remembered what they had together, but know he knew that all was forgotten and Ryan was alone again.

To be perfectly honest with himself, Ryan didn't expect it to hurt that much. Even if the chances of Brendon remembering what they had were slim, the hope always lived on. Sure, it was very little hope, but it was hope nonetheless. The hope that was smashed into pieces and he passes out like some girl who was told she was no longer loved by her first boyfriend. Good God, he was pathetic.

People were starting to talk louder and he realized that his eyes have shut and he had a headache. He opened his eyes again and saw that Brendon moved closer to him, concern clouding his chocolate brown eyes. Ryan was so close to allowing himself the hope, before Brendon spoke, that is.

"Are you all right...?" he asked softly, his voice laced with worry. Ryan groaned and started hoping that the sofa would swallow him whole so that he wouldn't have to deal with it. "I didn't catch your name before you passed out." The worry is mixed with apologies and pity, just what Ryan needed.

"Ryan. And I'm fine, no thanks to you," came the reply. See, with Ryan when he's hurting he can seem like the biggest asshole in the world. It's not like he plans it, it just happens every time.

He placed his legs on the ground and sat up, as soon as he was up the world started to spin very fast. Head rush, right, he thought to himself. The dizzy spell was over and Ryan pulled himself off the sofa and to his feet. He walked over to the counter and took his place behind it as if nothing happened. Sure, he was out cold a few minutes ago but now he's fine and nothing can change that.

"I knew a Ryan once, but I haven't seen or talked to him in four years, so I doubt he can remember me, probably dating our old friend William," the voice is quiet and bitter. Nothing like the confident and cocky tone he had before. It took every ounce of self control to keep Ryan from saying anything that would give him away or start sobbing. Instead he just shook his head.

"He probably didn't, if I knew someone who looked like you it'd be hard to forget that person," he then turns to face Brendon, his eyes surprisingly dry. "Plus Beckett's boyfriend's name sure as hell isn't Ryan." Amazing, he could even muster a chuckle at a time like this! Maybe he is over Brendon.

Suddenly his hand is lifted off its resting place on the counter top and was being scribbled on with a pen. When he looked at his hand he read 'Brendon Urie 702-394-8945' his heart broke a little more, he changed his number and gave it away in a flash. No wonder he couldn't reach Bren when he tried calling him four years ago. It’s exactly what he needs.

He got ready to leave in record time, five minutes and he's shouting to Alex that he's not feeling too good, which to a point is true, talking to Brendon has made him literally run out of the shop. Now he's a pathetic girl who faints when he's not loved to an idiot who runs away from anything that shows that Brendon doesn't care about him.

A/N: Well I and my lazy self have finally finished this chapter, so enjoy! Thanks to those who comment, it makes my day. If anyone is bored and has nothing to do can I coax a banner out of you, perhaps? My banner making skills are crap, and this laptop doesn't have good Photoshop. Next chapter should be up sometime this week.

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [2/?]

2008-07-18T22:09:50Z

Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away. [2/?]
Author:

sinfulxtragedy Natasha.
Rating: PG-13 (may change, language.)
POV: Third Ryan-centric.
Paring: Rydon [with mentioning of Gabilliam, also Jon/Cassie&Spencer/Hayley.]
Summery: After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon.
Disclaimer:This is real and I hate PATD. think, would I be listening to them while I write about them if I hated them? Italic text is a flash back.
Authors Note: At the end.

The day was great as it always was when Ryan was with Brendon. This could never end and it never should end. This night is perfect in every way. They went out, watched a movie, made out in the back of the movie theater, then went to dinner. All was paid by Brendon, which made Ryan suspicious for a little bit but then he stopped worrying and enjoyed himself on the date. During the whole date it was a little hard to ignore how fidgety the brown-eyed boy was. It made no sense at all, Brendon kept acting like it was their last date, which was absurd because Ryan had no reason to leave him and Brendon had no reason to leave Ryan. Sure he just graduated from high school and his parents are expecting him to go to college, but it seems like he is just taking a gap-year to figure things out for the future. Plus, why go somewhere when he go to UNLV with Ryan?

The walk back to Ryan's was quiet, with no talking from either one of the boys. Just walking, hands clasped together and fingers laced. Ryan looked ahead while Brendon looked at his shoes and at the ground. When they got to the apartment building the door was opened and the boys walked in. Ryan's lived there since he turned eighteen and could legally move out and to him this was a blessing. Sure it wasn't the best place in town, but it was home and Ryan made the place really nice with all his stuff all around. It was messy, no one denied the fact but it was nice messy. The door to the apartment swung open and they had a view of the living room. The boys walked in and toed off their shoes by the door, seeing as there was no real need for shoes.

"Wanna watch a movie, Bren?" Ryan calls over his shoulder as he walked farther into the living room. He wanted nothing but to cuddle with the boy he loved and relax on the couch. That would be the perfect end to a perfect date, and that's what this evening was, prefect. Nothing, nothing could ruin it.

"Yeah, sure. Nightmare Before Christmas?" Brendon answered, his voice hopeful and eyes bright. It was his favorite movie and so he chose it. It never really mattered to him how many times he has seen the movie, every time he would sit and watch like it's the first time. His full lips spread into a wide smile when he saw a nod from the other boy. Quickly he skipped, yes Brendon skips, over to the couch and plopped down on it, waiting for Ryan to come over to him.

During the movie Brendon only moved once. He walked into Ryan's bedroom and spent a few minutes there, Ryan thought nothing of this, just one of those things you get used to when you date someone like Bren. When the movie ended Brendon said that he had to spend the night at his place and that he'll miss Ryan. The hug and kiss of good bye for the night took a whole new meaning the next morning when Ryan found a note with Brendon's neat cursive writing on the front.

'Dearest Ryan, I will miss you.'

Or so the front of the envelope claimed. That morning was the first time Ryan broke down since meeting Brendon. He didn't show up for classes, he didn't call in sick to work. He just didn't show up. At about five that afternoon William and Spencer were beating Ryan's front door down begging him to come out of the apartment. He told them to leave him alone. All he could do is sit in his bedroom and look at the pictures the two boys took together, promising to never part ways. A promise which Brendon broke.

That night flashed quickly in front of Ryan's eyes. Here he is, four years later with a English Lit degree, same apartment and same job along side his writing for a local magazine. Only he did this by himself, without help from the one he loved, but with plenty of help from his best friends who helped him get to where he is now, even if it's not much.

The new comer stopped in his track, looking up at Ryan, his eyes focused yet they still held the innocence that Ryan was so accustomed to. "Yeah, how did you know?" Let's get this clear, Ryan has changed in those four years, he's no longer the careless nineteen-year-old he was then. He dressed different from then, he looked different. His hair is shorter and lighter than it was back then, there were dark circles under his eyes that proving that the boy ofter suffered from insomnia. He looked like someone straight out of the 70's. But his voice and eyes which were very distinct stayed exactly the same as they were. So he was even more hurt when Brendon didn't recognize him. His vision began to swim before his eyes.

Next thing he hears is a dull thud and everything goes black.

A/N: Hey everyone! So here's the second chapter to this story. I want to thank everyone who commented the last one and told me that I don't totally suck at writing and that I should continue this. It made me smile like a crazy lunatic, people around me were staring at the insane girl who couldn't stop grinning. So this came out about the same time as I planned, which would be two days from when the last one was posted. And I'm still looking for someone to beta this, cause, well, I love to over use things like commas and using fragments and way too long run ons like this one! Thanks again for reading this. Next chapter should be up soon, 2-3 days.

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away

2008-07-13T00:26:38Z

Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away
Author:

sinfulxtragedy Natasha
Rating:PG-13 (may change, language.)
Pairing:Rydon with a side of Gabilliam, also Jon/Cassie&Spencer/Hayley.
POV:Third Ryan-centric.
Summary:After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon.
Disclaimer:This is real, and I'm married to William Beckett and Gabe Saporta. (yeah, right... THIS IS VERY, VERY FAKE!)
Author Notes: At the end/under the cut.

Part One.

It's been four years of tears, pain, and never really getting over that one person that made him the happer than anything in this world. All of Ryan's closest friends were setting up lives with their other half's while his ran after his senior year of high school. There's been no good-bye kisses for them-- come to think of it, there were no good-byes either. There was a note that Ryan couldn't bring himself to read even after four years, he still has no idea what were their parting words. That note lays at the bottom of his bottom drawer of his dresser. How can he read the last words his love?

As far as his life goes, well people ask "How's Ryan?" and it's usually one of his best friends who answer. He works at a small bookstore-meets-coffee-shop and that's the only place he really feels like things can be okay again while he's by himself. His boss, Alex Suarez, really liked Ryan and tried to get him to live his life at least a little bit. Sure, it helped at times, but not often. Never after he stumbles on the note, never after Ryan had spent the night crying and second guessing his life and past relationships.

It's been a little over four years since Brendon has graduated high school and left the life he had in Vegas behind. With that he left all the people who "mattered" to him. He kept in contact with no one as far as Ryan knew. No one knew where Brendon went, or had any ideas. It's been a little over four years and it still hurt like all this happened yesterday. When people tell him to give it time and things will get better Ryan feels like screaming "Shut the hell up! I have given it four fuckin' years!" He has never spoken those words to anyone, when he's told to give things time he just nods numbly, because that's all he can do. It hurt like hell to think his name, let alone say it. So Ryan didn't say it, those close to him didn't say the name or bring up any memories from when Brendon was with them.

Now it's a usual Monday morning for Ryan. He wakes up, takes one of his five-minute showers and goes off to find something to wear to work. One of the best parts about his job was that no one cared how the emploees dressed. So clad in a red long sleeve v-neck and a pair of black skinny jeans and converse, Ryan headed to work. What he didn't realize was that today wasn't just another monday. Today held a little nasty surprise for our little Ry.

Work went as usual, people came up to order their drinks then went to sit down with a book in one of shop's many armchairs. It was a little slow that day and Ryan was able to even serve himself a cup of coffee and grab his own copy of Call of the Wild by Jack London. His co-worker and one of his best friends, William Beckett, decided that he'd call in sick even if he was perfectly healthy. He skipped work to spend a day at home with his boyfriend Gabe. So Ryan was stuck covering double shift for the two of them, not that he was complaining, it was a small bonus for him.

Normally, at noon would be a quick lunch break but with the coffee-drinking-book-reading break that he took Ryan didn't feel at all hungry Even if his gut told him to leave the shop for about a half-an-hour to avoid something bad he didn't listen and stayed put. For the first twenty minutes or so nothing unusual happened, people came and went, orders were filled books were sold. But not even ten minutes after Ryan filled the last order the door opened and he lost the gift of speech. The man who walked in wore a simple red hoodie, pair of snug but not overly so boot cut jeans and red rimmed glasses. He had chocolate eyes and dark brown, almost black hair. He walked to the register to where Ryan stood white as a ghost.

'Bren?' Ryan whispers, his voice hoarse as if not used for years.

A/N: I'm Sorry for the cliffhanger there, it's just as well, you'll be rewarded with the other chapter soon!