Title: You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away [6/?]
Author:sinfulxtragedy</lj> 
Rating: PG/PG-13 at most
Pairing: Rydon with a few others.
POV: Third Ryan-centric. Brendon's POV for this chapter!
Summary: After not seeing the love of his life for four years Ryan gets a surprise visit from Brendon.
Disclaimer:  This is real, Brendon said so himself when he called Ryan a 'Golden God' but he never went NYU... so go figure. Title is taken from the Cobras, Cut from Madina Lake.
Author Notes: At the end as always.
Beta:handsom3lady</lj>handsom3lady 

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[5]

After leaving Ryan at the park Brendon speed-walked himself to the coffee shop. Taking a deep calming breath he opened the door and walked in with a smile that he hoped didn’t seem too fake on his tear stained face. The talk with Ryan went worse than he’d hoped but he knew that it would be bad. He couldn’t stop mentally kicking himself for telling Ryan about Shane. Of all things he could do why would he tell Ryan about someone who he slept with while they never officially broke up? He told himself over and over again that he and Ryan were still together and in love with each other, they just had to part for a while, because Brendon was going to school in New York, that’s all. It should have changed anything in their relationship, they should be happy together not falling apart by themselves.

Good Lord, why am I such a fuck up? I try too hard for things to go my way or I want too much. Brendon thought to himself.

There was a tinkling noise from the entrance of the shop, but Brendon was too gone in his own world to look around and see who just walked in. The next thing he knew he was getting smacked hard upside the head. Just as he was turning to start bitching at the other person he saw the bright, icy blue eyes of one and only Spencer Smith.

Spencer wasn’t there to say hi either, he looked pretty pissed off, and that is never good. Everyone knows that when you mess with people who Spencer Smith cares about you would get your ass kicked into next week. It was always like that; Spencer was like the mother of their group, they wouldn’t be able to survive without Spencer around to tell them what to do.

Spencer was the one who broke the silence first, “So you are back, didn’t realize that you would be stupid enough to comeback. But I’ve been wrong before.  Why did you come back?” Spencer was one of those people who hid his emotions much too well for it to be normal, but now his voice was full of venom.

“I gues—” Brendon began only to be interrupted by the same voice that spoke only seconds before.

“You don’t guess, Brendon, you shouldn’t even be here after just leaving like that. Most of us managed to get by without you here or talking to you, but did you think about Ryan? The boy that loved you with everything he’s got? Did you ever stop to think what your disappearance did to him, Urie? He’s been closed away from everyone, even me, for crying out loud! The boy acts like a ghost of the person he once was, he doesn’t live anymore, he survives. Even that is a struggle for him,” Spencer sighed but his voice still held a hint of venom, “we have to drag him out of that apartment ‘cause he won’t leave unless it’s to go here to the desert. He barely writes anymore and when he does it’s some sappy end-of-love story that all of us can tell by memory. And that’s all because you were stupid, and selfish and, and, and…” he trailed off after that like his thought just ended abruptly.   He didn’t go on for a few seconds and Brendon could tell that he was done.

With a deep breath he started his lecture for Spencer, “I’m sorry, damn it! I’m sorry that Ryan ignored the fucking note that I left him which would have given him everything that he would have needed to contact me and to make it work. I’m sorry for wanting a degree in something that I care about. I’m sorry that you think this is my fault. Is that enough for you, Smith? Read the note with your little Ryan then you can bitch at me.” Brendon didn’t yell or scream but his tone was deathly calm that would scare most people who knew him. With that he stood up and walked out of the coffee shop, slamming the door after him.

He jogged to his car, yanking the door open when he got to it. It was as if he was acting on autopilot. Door, keys, mirror, seat belt. No thoughts. He’s just going through the motions that he could do in his sleep.  It was taking all his will power not to floor the gas and high speed it out of town. There was only one place that Brendon could be by himself. The Loneliest Road, Route 50. That stretch of pavement where most cars don’t go. It’s nothing special to most people, but to Brendon (and Ryan, apparently) it was everything.

He drove, and drove, and drove.  He was fighting the tears that threatened to spill out of his eyes. Why was he blamed for something that he didn’t do? It’s not his fault that Ryan is stubborn and rarely thought ahead and assumed the worst in every situation. It’s not his fucking fault, so why was everyone out to yell at him for something he didn’t mean to happen?

Once he got to the spot on the road that he loved most he pulled over on the shoulder of the road and got out. Brendon climbed on the roof of the car and leaned back so that he was lying on the roof of the car. He closed his eyes and felt the tears leak out of his eyes without his consent. But Brendon didn’t care at this moment. He would just lie there and cry for now.

September 27, 2003

They lie together in Ryan’s bed arms around each other, basking in the after-sex glow. Brendon was snuggling into Ryan’s side with Ryan’s arm around his shoulders and Brendon’s around his boyfriend’s waist. Tonight was the first time they had sex; Brendon’s virginity was a gift for Ryan. It was special.

The sex was slow and romantic, not the rushed kind that you’d read about in a dirty magazine. It was something that made them whole, it brought them together. Nothing can be better than that.

“I love you.”

The words left Brendon’s lips sooner than he could stop himself. He looked up at the other boy, worried about the reaction that he was going to get. He was surprised by the small smile forming on Ryan’s lips. It was sincere unlike most smiles he gave to people.

“I love you, too, Brendon.”

A/N: This took wayy long, and for that I am sorry. School is already kicking my ass. Sad, I know. But I try, I swear I do. Let's see. what else. I will try to post at least once a week, but no promises. Requests are still here and open.